As I inched my way into the chilly sea this morning, I was taken aback once again by how incredibly different the sea looks each day. Today, the water is churned up with some swirling winds causing uneven waves. The water is murky and feels cooler than only a day ago. With every stroke, I feel a stream of cold water on my back and it takes all my concentration to ride the swell of the waves. Yet the clear blue sky above me and warm rays of sunshine feel amazing. Once again, I feel more like the weather, with some emotional choppiness but a renewed sense of hope has found its way back into my heart. It feels as if some of the emotional and political turbulent "weather system" of last week has slightly receded with seeds of positivity already emerging.
Lockdown 2.0 feels completely different this time to those tense months back in the spring. Now I'm so used to living in a more restricted way, I have barely noticed a change other than the high street is once again looking very closed. Our town is bustling with people all enjoying invigorating walks by the sea, holding take-away cups of coffee. I have missed my nourishing "in person" yoga class, but with a slight sigh, am back to zoom. I am certainly grateful for living somewhere that has a relatively low number of cases and with shops that seem plentifully stocked.
This time round, I'm less concerned with catching coronavirus but more focused on working out how to sleep soundly. On the night before lockdown started I awoke in the middle of the night to the loudest sound of scratching and gnawing, as if a raccoon or possum had found its way into our kitchen. Thankfully the unidentified creature had not made its way into the actual room, but was somehow behind bricks trying to find a way in to join us for a midnight snack. Perhaps it wanted to join our household as a bubble? Deducing that it is a rat who likes to scratch and move about through the night, we are now a week into interrupted sleep. The rat-catcher man has become our new friend and we are hoping that the persistent rat will leave and soon.
As neither of us have ever experienced a rodent issue, it got me wondering in the middle of the night about any significance of a rat arriving in your house on an intense night pre-lockdown and US election results? I remembered that in the Chinese Zodiac, there is the "Year of the Rat" which falls every twelve years and I was slightly amused to read that we are actually in the Year of the Rat in 2020. The qualities represented by the rat in
Chinese culture include "clever, quick thinkers, successful but content with living quiet and peaceful life". Is this a sign that I could perhaps embrace these few weeks ahead having a little more quiet and space rather than filling up all the gaps with yet more hours on the computer and classes on zoom?
While I was contemplating this a few days ago, I was then stung by a wasp on my leg (through thick leggings) as I peacefully walked along the pavement near our local golf course. Apart from the pain and shock, this has led to five days of intense swelling of my calf and foot needing antihistamine tablets. The strange thing is that I was also stung a month ago on almost exactly the same place on my leg as I walked along a nearby path. Which also led to similar days of pain, swelling and hobbling. Something seems to be reminding me to take things steadily?
Cramming a lot into the day is something I have done a lot of during my life, especially in two decades working as a teacher. I enjoy being active and have filled my life with things that are stimulating and enjoyable, but with a tendency to not sit still very much! But I know that my health has been the first thing to indicate that perhaps I have crammed in too much without stopping enough to recharge or rest. In fact, the only times that I rested was at the point when my body was flagging with low-grade viral symptoms. This health issue has remained a struggle and frustration for a number of years, often wanting to do more than my body can manage.
Since the pandemic started my health has actually felt steadier and stronger than it has for years. Could it be that the rodent and wasps are just reminding me to hold onto the balance that I have found? Being busy has become a kind of "norm" that maybe we just all accept in these modern times. There is a lot of "doing" that we need to engage with in our complex lives with a never ending "to do" list. But does our identity depend on keeping up with a certain pace of life to prove that we are actually okay as people, that we are valued just as we are? When I'm asked by people what I am "doing" while not teaching, I can feel myself squirm and wince inside as I try to explain and justify to them (and myself) that I am still being productive.
This second lockdown presents another opportunity to focus on the simpler things of life such as nature around us or the delights of home cooking. But this time, more of life is continuing, the roads seem busy and it takes more effort to appreciate the pause. Lockdown can remind us all that we don't have to cram a million things into one day just to prove that we are loveable, successful humans. I feel relief that I don't need to live up to some kind of "perfect" life and that being healthy right now with our basic needs met is a blessing.
In one of my favourite books "
Present over Perfect", Shauna Niequist writes about cramming too much into life, even if all the things are "good things". And through her own journey, she questioned whether all the non-stop busyness is actually necessary and what we could let go of in order to find some happiness and stillness along the way.
"I have left behind some ways of living that I once believed were necessary and right, that I now know were toxic and damaging- among them pushing, proving, over-working, ignoring my body and spirit" Shauna Niequist
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