Lockdown, limbo and leadership. What a week!

I asked my partner on this epic US election results morning, how he was feeling using the weather as a metaphor?  It's a question we used on my yoga course to check in with each other in just a few words.  I thought he would laugh at such a question, but calmly said "like the blue sky".  When it came to my weather for this morning, I replied that I am feeling more like a raging storm with lashing rain, wild winds and crashing waves.  So much tumultuous energy is circulating within my calm exterior, rather like the actual weather system that battered our coast once again at the weekend.  Every now and then, a lull would come, blue sky would appear and I could feel some positivity return for a while. 

What an incredible time we are in.  It feels as if the world is paused, holding its breath to find out the results of the US election, which in these intense and turbulent times carries huge significance.  Something much larger must be at work right now in our planet, whether it could be an astrological pattern or a call from the Earth to return to balance.  We are in some kind of transformation period, where social and environmental change must happen yet some deeply embedded values remain stuck within a system.  Each day, I hold the qualities in mind for leadership that matter to me: honesty, empathy and the ability to empower others.  

Meanwhile here, we are facing our own fiasco in the pandemic with the surprise U-turn on Saturday morning.  "Another lockdown, you are joking?" was my response over my calming cup of lemon tea this Saturday morning.  I've been checking the data and updates each day and this was consistently not on the horizon.  After watching every scientist and virologist talk on BBC news while waiting for the very delayed announcement, I understood the rationale.  But my shock once again is the short notice and the complete change in plan.  And just to add to the ridiculous nature of these times, Parliament is still debating and voting on it today when our lockdown is due to start, uh, tomorrow morning.  

Since this announcement, I feel like my brain and emotions are working on different time scales.  My mind has gone through a list of practicalities, what is it that I need to get that is urgent and what do I need to cancel?  The difference this time is that I am more prepared, I have got enough toilet roll, lentils, tinned tomatoes and even some library books anyway.  My pandemic reserves of energy are running at such a low that I can't manage dashing to a busy supermarket.  It didn't take too long to cancel upcoming events because parts of my life are still on zoom anyway and I've been cautious making many plans ahead due to the uncertainty. 

But my emotions are moving at snail's pace.  I still feel shocked about the new restrictions and tearful about cancelling much cherished plans once again.  I have valued being able to do more things in person, especially my yoga classes.  It doesn't seem to make sense that tomorrow will be the start of another version of lockdown.  Everything feels normal today in the glorious sunshine, people are wandering around our seaside town enjoying cafes and takeaways.  Our infection rates here are relatively low.  I swing from reluctant acceptance to annoyance at how this has been handled.  I feel frustrated that I have to follow restrictions again when I've followed every rule.  My mind whirls away with questions about it once again: Have we waited too long again?  Will this type of lockdown with schools and universites open actually work?  

And while the US election results are pending and we are heading for our second lockdown in the same 24 hours, it all feels a bit crazy right now.  So I am doing whatever is needed to stay grounded, which is remembering to breathe and to get out into nature regularly to walk and detach from this craziness.  As soon as I walk by the sea or take some chilly strokes in the water, I feel myself return home.  Whatever the outcome of the election or our lockdown, the natural world still provides a sanctuary each day.  I remember how the bird song and fresh air was so nourishing during our first lockdown and I will turn to this once again for restoration. 

And then, during fleeting moments I get a sense that something greater than these struggles is at work.  Somehow, in these conflicted and bumpy times, a ray of light will emerge.  Out of the pandemic and turbulent politics, we must heed the call to grow and to listen to whatever lessons are being presented to us.  Because something is going on that we cannot possibly ignore.  A quote that touched me deeply is by Sonya Renee Taylor, that speaks to the heart of these times:

 "We will not go back to normal. Normal never was. Our pre-corona existence was not normal, other than we normalized greed, inequity, exhaustion, depletion, extraction, disconnection, confusion, rage, hoarding, hate, and lack. We should not long to return, my friends. We are being given the opportunity to stitch a new garment, one that fits all of humanity and nature" (Sonya Renee Taylor)

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