How our energy might be depleted as we head into autumn with much less "surge capacity" left.

Our seaside town was battered by the elements this weekend, a mixture of lashing rain plus gusts of winds that felt strong enough to lift off our roof.  Getting through Saturday night felt epic, as the noise and force of each gust rattled the roof making sleep difficult.  Waking up this morning was a delight, seeing that calm has returned after the storm.  The blue sky looks fresher, the sun feels warmer and the sea looks clear.  After a chilly but refreshing swim in the flatter sea, I feel happy and steadier again.

At the same time, I also have a nagging uncertainty tucked away in the back of my mind about the pandemic and the fact that we are not doing a two week "circuit breaker" over this half-term.  While the latest tier system seems to make sense and may find some balance between case numbers and the economy, I am concerned that we might be ignoring the advice of our scientists once again.  It feels unsettling and brings a feeling of unease as we slowly walk into the autumn not knowing how it will unfold. 

The uncertainty is part of what I struggle with as this pandemic carries on.  I am someone who likes to plan and organise for upcoming events.  If I was going away on a yoga retreat to Spain (I remember those days) I would have washed, ironed and neatly piled things ready probably a week in advance.  If we are going to head into some form of extra restrictions, I want to prepare for it.  So to try to ease this sense of not-knowing, I allow myself to check case numbers once each day.  I can see our little section of UK on a map, in a nice light blue colour at the moment, which means our case numbers are relatively low.  For now.

Knowing what lies ahead can sometimes really help me.  On my last flight that I took in February back from Spain, I asked the flight attendant what the flight conditions were likely to be.  As a "nervous flier" I have learned over the years to ask this question, because both the information and the human connection help.  She kindly asked the pilots if I could have a quick word, and before I knew it, I was speaking to two pilots about the flight path from Malaga back to London.  They asked if I really wanted to know the details, and when I assured them that I did, they said that there was some mild turbulence expected between the Pyrenees and Paris.  "But that's a really long way," I said to them in slight alarm.  What helped was their relaxed manner and unflappable conviction that it was all perfectly normal and possibly would not happen either.

About half way through the flight, we did hit this mild turbulence which lasted an extremely long hour.  It was incredibly uncomfortable and stressful but I kept reassuring myself it would be over by Paris, which it was.  I plugged myself into Deva Premal on my ipod, tried to look at a relaxing magazine and mostly looked out of the window reassuring myself that the blue sky was still there.  When the bumps finally stopped and we made our fairly smooth landing into Gatwick, I was flooded with relief and gratitude for making it.  I hugged my partner, nearly hugged the flight attendant and skipped off the plane feeling alive and ready for a hot chocolate!  By the time I was home and had something to eat, my body had gone into exhaustion mode from the stress and was ready for some rest.

Through that flight experience, my body had used up what is known as "surge capacity" which is defined as "a collection of adaptive systems that humans draw on for short-term survival in acutely stressful situations" (Masten).  It is designed for short bursts, to get us through a difficult flight, a huge storm or a pending flood.  Our bodies are filled with energy for action, our hearts fill with the desire to connect or help and the adrenaline that we feel will naturally burn off once it is all over. 

As we know, the pandemic is turning out to be a long, chronic problem that will surge and then reduce, but lacking an end so far.  The surge capacity that we felt at the start of the pandemic is now depleted and we haven't had time to re-charge because we were still living with restrictions, case numbers and adapting to this strange "new-normal".  So we are entering the autumn and winter without the reserves of energy that we might need to adapt to what is ahead.  Even though I am constantly trying to find ways to stay positive and live life within this pandemic, I am also weary of it.  My brain is tired from reading views from scientists and virologists then trying to make some kind of sense of the political decisions.

Now I understand that our "surge capacity" is depleted, maybe I can stop wondering why I'm not feeling these intense outpourings of gratitude and compassion that I felt so strongly during our lockdown. These feelings come during the "surge" of the crisis or right after it ends.  In this longer pandemic situation, we will have to manually top up our energy reserves bit by bit.  Just like adding some oil or water to our car engines, we will have to literally pour in some more of the key ingredients before we totally run dry.  

How exactly do we top up our energy reserves so that we have enough to deal with what lies ahead, I then wondered?  In the same article that I read about "surge capacity"  it talks about building up our "resilience bank account".  And the key areas that are recommended are: "Sleep, nutrition, exercise, meditation, self-compassion, gratitude, connection and saying no" (Maddaus).  When I read that list, I was momentarily disappointed that there was no kind of miracle cure but then relieved that they sounded like exactly what I try to practice anyway.  Except I noticed that I was including these elements very consistently during lockdown and a little less recently. 

While I long for the day when we can say that the pandemic is over, or that we are free of cases in the UK as they are in parts of Australia today, this could be a long wait.  So maybe instead I need to help my body go through this stress cycle in tiny ways, so that I can allow some relaxation to come through naturally?  In these "new-normal" days, I tend to just grit my teeth and push myself to try something slightly out of my comfort zone without allowing that feeling of recovery or relaxation when I have completed it.  Our bodies were originally designed for short bursts of stress and action followed by rest and replenishment.  And if we rush from one thing to the next, we are not giving ourselves those much needed moments of restoration that will help us get through this long-haul.