Week 8. Adjusting. Is everyone getting a bit cranky now?

Last week I wrote about patience which I'm not sure resonated with many people.  Did I miss something in the current zeitgeist?  Are people feeling less patient and more irritable ?  Fed up with this whole social distancing thing?  Maybe cracks are appearing in our largely cohesive response to lockdown and saving lives.  If our Prime Minister's senior advisor can apparently bend the rules of self-isolation, are some questioning whether to keep following guidelines?  Even something "simple" such as sending children back to school is creating divisions among experts let alone parents trying to decide what is safe.

A few days ago I stumbled across an article by Camilla Cavendish about how we could all be experiencing some element of "quarantine fatigue".  As the phrase suggests, it is a known phenomenon where individuals in very restricted social settings become weary.  Studied by scientists in remote expeditions, they found that quarantine fatigue reaches its peak three quarters of the way through.  Known as "third quarter phenomenon" there is often an increase in tensions and irritations between people.  My partner says this always happens on a tour as a musician around that time.  Could we be reaching this cranky period in our own "expedition" through lockdown within our own homes?

I've complained about feeling cramped in the house more times in the last few days than I did in two months.   Compounded by the beach near my home being overrun with cars and visitors, I have a feeling of having less cherished quiet space.  My endless patience at the start of the pandemic was nourished by regular practice of gratitude for my health, food and calm.  It was a very heartful way of living, appreciating my health and having compassion for all those affected by the coronavirus.

With the easing of lockdown, it's as if my "normal" brain has come back on line with everyday irritations and I am forgetting my gratitude and appreciation of nature.  I'm too busy groaning about the beach having gone from 6 visitors to 600 visitors.  I have never seen so many people, right near where I live.  I'm frowning at those bending the social distancing rules very visibly.  I'm hiding myself away partly because I'm still unsure about the easing of lockdown.  Yet around me, things are changing and it feels harder to stay totally in my home now.  But each tiny step outside of our lockdown just feels like a step into a strange "not quite normal land".

Thinking of how to travel to Spain while in coronavirus pandemic
My normal brain (rather than my lockdown brain) starts to wonder about making a plan.  But each time, there is a disappointment or a "not knowing".  Maybe we could go to Spain in the autumn I consider briefly until I realise that flying back will mean two weeks in self-isolation in my house.  I've managed lockdown with long daily walks and a weekly shopping trip.  But two weeks stuck at home does not appeal.  I even watched Channel 4's programme last night about "How to Go on Holiday This Summer" which should have been called "How to not Go on Holiday in a Pandemic".  In summary, it's not very feasible with many uncertainties.   I sigh once again as I accept that nothing is normal still.

Thinking about going to Spain when I've barely made it to the Co-op is probably an example of running before I can walk!  I am forgetting the small steps that I wrote about last week since briefly peeping ahead out of lockdown.  So I am choosing and writing down one "baby step" that I can actually do.  This weekend's step was to swim in the sea.  Something that I used to do before coronavirus and that I hadn't dared try yet because of all the people on the beach.  I chose the windiest, chilly day which meant the beach was empty.  And for those few moments I felt happy, alive and freezing all at the same time!

So while I start to adjust at my sloth like pace I remember that the last quarter of the "marathon" of this pandemic can be the hardest.  I'm sure this isn't good news for many, but it helps me to know I'm not alone experiencing ups and downs.  And unlike a real marathon, the challenge of coronavirus is that there is no actual finish line that we can see.  Our last quarter feels like it is stretching out ahead of us in a time scale we still don't really know.  But if I can hold onto some of the gratitude and kindness that I had in abundance at the start, it will make the next quarter an easier path. 













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