Befriending uncertainty in our "new normal".
We've reached a milestone here in the UK in dealing with coronavirus. We have passed the end of the 12 week period since the first day of lockdown. By then I figured we'd be over the worst and nearly back to normal. Friends that were "shielding" had been told that they needed to stay at home for this length of time. Even Boris Johnson said that in the 12 weeks we could "turn the tide of this disease and send coronavirus packing in this country".
We have turned the tide, thankfully. The rate of infection appears to be slowly reducing each week in most areas. I can feel my shoulders relaxing a little more as I see the numbers finally coming down. The dreadful peak with all the tragic losses has indeed passed. The weather is gloriously sunny and we are able to enjoy it now in our small groups of up to 6 people. Easy Jet has just taken its first flight on Monday for 11 weeks from Gatwick to Glasgow with 51 passengers. As more things are opening up I can feel myself almost being swept along (although I'm not about to queue up for Primark).
But I still find myself checking data and reading articles fairly regularly. While celebrating these tentative steps that are happening around us towards returning to normal, I simultaneously feel uncertain. Like everyone I speak to, there's a shared uncertainty of what will happen to the spread of the virus as we ease restrictions. On the one hand, I can now go to Fat Face and try on some jeans. And at the same time, the WHO is telling UK not to ease up much more as UK remain in a "very active phase of the pandemic".
Our conversations seem to now revolve around the crucial word "when". When will be able to get our haircut? When will we be able to sit inside a friend's house if it is raining? When will my dentist be able to replace a filling that needs fixing (not yet, no fillings allowed)? When can I go to a yoga class with actual people not on Zoom? The list goes on and on. We each have our own personal list of when will... But underneath lies the actual question that I would like the answer to:
"When will this all end?". An actual date when we have an effective vaccine, successful treatment and/or no cases? When will we be able to properly get back to normal? When will be able to carry on with our lives without thinking about coronavirus? We are not at the beginning of the pandemic here in the UK, nor are we close to the end. Instead, we have rolled into the "seemingly interminable middle" as I heard it described recently. And in this middle phase, we each live with a plethora of uncertainties.
I have been wondering what the antidote to uncertainty is? I struggle with uncertainty and find it uncomfortable to sit with. One way that I deal with uncertainty is to gather information. Which explains my carefully rationed habit of checking statistics and reading the latest scientific information. It helps to some extent, my brain can start to make some sense of this ongoing pandemic. However, even with this research, there are no simple answers. Just a lot of small steps and reviewing, which feels a lot more like trial and error than I would like!
Maybe you have all figured this out already, but uncertainty seems to be part of the landscape at the moment. Information can only help to some degree to reduce the unknown. So I am wondering if it is possible to befriend uncertainty rather than trying to out-run it? The more enlightened question could be "how can I become more comfortable with uncertainty" rather than "when will it end?" Rather than resisting uncertainty, could I accept that it is going to walk quietly next to us for a while to come?
Pema Chodron (Buddhist nun and author) writes frequently about uncertainty and she says:
It sounds like a sensible approach, but maybe not so easy to do. How do I relax and accept uncertainty rather than spend an hour on the computer or eating dark chocolate (my other tendency)? It comes back to living as much as possible in the present moment, for example as I write, as I wash the dishes and as I walk outside along the beach. Rather than mulling over the latest changes as I walk, I make a point of looking at the sky, hearing the waves or listening out for varied bird song. And when I do come back to the present moment, I feel more accepting of uncertainty. It's okay, we are all feeling it. And in this moment I am okay.
But what about making plans and looking ahead? Well, we can try to make some tentative steps knowing that there is still an unclear path ahead. When a neighbour asked me the other day if I would fly to Spain soon, all I could do was look confused as different uncertainties ran through my mind. Before coronavirus, I could never have imagined that flying to Spain for a nourishing yoga retreat could be difficult. It won't always be like this, but for now I'm accepting that uncertainty is here.
We have turned the tide, thankfully. The rate of infection appears to be slowly reducing each week in most areas. I can feel my shoulders relaxing a little more as I see the numbers finally coming down. The dreadful peak with all the tragic losses has indeed passed. The weather is gloriously sunny and we are able to enjoy it now in our small groups of up to 6 people. Easy Jet has just taken its first flight on Monday for 11 weeks from Gatwick to Glasgow with 51 passengers. As more things are opening up I can feel myself almost being swept along (although I'm not about to queue up for Primark).
But I still find myself checking data and reading articles fairly regularly. While celebrating these tentative steps that are happening around us towards returning to normal, I simultaneously feel uncertain. Like everyone I speak to, there's a shared uncertainty of what will happen to the spread of the virus as we ease restrictions. On the one hand, I can now go to Fat Face and try on some jeans. And at the same time, the WHO is telling UK not to ease up much more as UK remain in a "very active phase of the pandemic".
Our conversations seem to now revolve around the crucial word "when". When will be able to get our haircut? When will we be able to sit inside a friend's house if it is raining? When will my dentist be able to replace a filling that needs fixing (not yet, no fillings allowed)? When can I go to a yoga class with actual people not on Zoom? The list goes on and on. We each have our own personal list of when will... But underneath lies the actual question that I would like the answer to:
"When will this all end?". An actual date when we have an effective vaccine, successful treatment and/or no cases? When will we be able to properly get back to normal? When will be able to carry on with our lives without thinking about coronavirus? We are not at the beginning of the pandemic here in the UK, nor are we close to the end. Instead, we have rolled into the "seemingly interminable middle" as I heard it described recently. And in this middle phase, we each live with a plethora of uncertainties.
I have been wondering what the antidote to uncertainty is? I struggle with uncertainty and find it uncomfortable to sit with. One way that I deal with uncertainty is to gather information. Which explains my carefully rationed habit of checking statistics and reading the latest scientific information. It helps to some extent, my brain can start to make some sense of this ongoing pandemic. However, even with this research, there are no simple answers. Just a lot of small steps and reviewing, which feels a lot more like trial and error than I would like!
Maybe you have all figured this out already, but uncertainty seems to be part of the landscape at the moment. Information can only help to some degree to reduce the unknown. So I am wondering if it is possible to befriend uncertainty rather than trying to out-run it? The more enlightened question could be "how can I become more comfortable with uncertainty" rather than "when will it end?" Rather than resisting uncertainty, could I accept that it is going to walk quietly next to us for a while to come?Pema Chodron (Buddhist nun and author) writes frequently about uncertainty and she says:
"What if rather than being disheartened by the ambiguity, the uncertainty of life, we accepted it and relaxed into it?"
It sounds like a sensible approach, but maybe not so easy to do. How do I relax and accept uncertainty rather than spend an hour on the computer or eating dark chocolate (my other tendency)? It comes back to living as much as possible in the present moment, for example as I write, as I wash the dishes and as I walk outside along the beach. Rather than mulling over the latest changes as I walk, I make a point of looking at the sky, hearing the waves or listening out for varied bird song. And when I do come back to the present moment, I feel more accepting of uncertainty. It's okay, we are all feeling it. And in this moment I am okay.
But what about making plans and looking ahead? Well, we can try to make some tentative steps knowing that there is still an unclear path ahead. When a neighbour asked me the other day if I would fly to Spain soon, all I could do was look confused as different uncertainties ran through my mind. Before coronavirus, I could never have imagined that flying to Spain for a nourishing yoga retreat could be difficult. It won't always be like this, but for now I'm accepting that uncertainty is here.
Lovely post Sue. I can relate to and agree with all you say. Dealing with uncertainty is indeed very difficult. If you can't change ot you have to change the way you think about it, and as you say, accept it and try be in and appreciate the now. The BBC did a nice interview with the Dalai Lama about Corona and he said "if truly there is no way to overcome then it is no use to worry you can't do anything. You have to accept it"
ReplyDeleteThank you Mary for reading and replying! I must watch that Dalai Lama interview, sounds like very useful wisdom in these times.
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